By Neelam Jain Last Updated:
Are you on the edge of separating? Or, about to file your divorce papers? Well, before you do that, how about making that 11th-hour effort to see if you can still save your marriage? Just take some time off your busy schedule, book a “save-cation” for just the two of you; and you never know, when you return you would send off your divorce lawyers away for good!
The "save-cation" or "Hail-Mary-Moon" is planned by troubled couples to heal their ailing relationship that is on the verge of a divorce. Save-cation allows you to be alone for a few days with your spouse, and assess the current state of your relationship. So, before calling it quits, you can have this one-on-one getaway to re-think the future of your relationship.
Let us see how this unconventional method can become an investment with great returns for those whose relationship is on the rocks.
No matter if you have opted for Maldives or Manali, it won’t necessarily be all smooth and exciting. Once you are at your vacation, you need to tackle the issues, which are otherwise brushed aside when back at home.
As Dr. Harriet Lerner, psychologist and author of the book Marriage Rules: A Manual for the Married and the Coupled Up, says, "It is worth a try, if both partners are committed to behaving well and being their best selves on the holiday, even if their partner is behaving badly. This means, there is no criticism, complaining, blaming, fighting, and bringing up of old grievances.” This trip could be challenging, but the rewards are worth the extra work.
For many couples signing the papers seem to be the only doable option to get rid of their marital problems. However, for few who can still wait to say goodbye, save-cation comes as a cheaper alternative to the legal separation.
As Dr. Harriet Lerner, puts it, “A divorce can be much worse economically than going away for a few days together.” Yes, divorce involves tremendous financial costs, ending up in drifting the couples apart. While taking a few days off to an exotic destination can give them an opportunity to come back from the brink of separation and save that money too.
So, a save-cation is not only a low-cost deal, but much more impactful if the two people are willing to invest in this waiting period.
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As Rajan Bhonsle, a relationship counsellor, points out, "The common complaint of most couples is that their relationship suffers because they don't get adequate time and privacy, due to work pressure or extended family responsibilities. On a save-cation, couples connect intimately and get a chance to talk their heart out.”
So, with this vacation, you and your partner get a chance to bid goodbye to all those distracting devices, and devote quality time to your relationship. You may discover interesting facets of your significant other all over again and may decide to take U-turn on your road to divorce. Being away from the stress of your mundane lifestyle, makes you focus on your past happy memories.
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Relationship expert, Robi Ludwig, says, "Anything that two people do together that is unique to that couple can increase a sense of intimacy." The save-cation is more like a marriage counselling program conducted by couples itself to have a good sense of where their relationship stands.
With no third party involved to lead the discussions, you can be your own therapist and bring your marriage back on track. By giving an honest attempt in wanting to clear up the marital problems, you will not only stop the divorce, but also put life to something which is almost dead.
Dr. Lerner says, “Going on a save-cation is a worthwhile venture, only if the couple has genuine motivation to have a better marriage.” Yes, it always takes two to save a relationship. This vacation gives you time to reflect on your relationship, and it is a helpful resource only for those willing to work at it.
This self-help exercise may not be even worth a try if the partners are hardly interested in solving out the problems. Going on a rescue holiday is a worthwhile venture, if there is a genuine motivation to fix up the issues.
By being alone, you can test yourselves through a reality check and see if your marriage is worth fighting for. If the idea works, it not only saves your crumbling marriage, but also restores its charm. But if it doesn’t, then thinking of any positive output will be next to impossible after this initiative.
Yes, it is a full and final thing between couples to save their sinking relationship because if Maldives or Iceland can’t get them together, what else in the world can? So, it either collapses your marriage forever or gives you a wake-up-call for your final decision.
This ‘one-last-try holiday’ leaves you with only 50/50 chances of mending the things. It should not be perceived as a magic pill to save your marriage. It is not as if all conflicts will immediately disappear after your save-cation.
A vacation, complete with beautiful surrounding, away from distractions and prying eyes, and some alone time with your partner, might help you to rediscover the reasons of why you were together in the first place. But, bear in mind that it is just another shot in the quest to remain together. It may not work for few couples who are facing deeper issues, say adultery, long-time incompatibility, etc.
Robi Ludwig says, "It is not magical; you go to a beautiful place and your relationship is in a better place. It is basically you have to intend on making it better."
These required breaks can provide a positive turning point to troubled couples who genuinely wish to re-connect. Ignoring the lawyers, counsellors and your ‘know-it-all’ friends and family for a while, you can give this escapism a last chance before giving up completely. After all, what is wrong in giving your dying marriage, one last chance to breathe?
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