By Jasbina Ahluwalia Last Updated:
Everyone wants to be loved for who they are. And, there is no exception when it comes to a relationship of a husband/wife or girlfriend/boyfriend. But how can you know if you are communicating your love in a way that the other person will truly understand and appreciate?
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Dr. Gary Chapman, PhD, is the author of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts In It, he describes 5 key "love languages" and why they are so important:
This person feels most loved when he is touched, hugged, kissed, or cuddled with. He likes holding hands, getting a back rub or foot rub, being sexually intimate, or simply having his partner put his or her arm around him.
This person feels most loved when he/she is complimented or told, "I love you." She thrives off loving verbal communication with the partner.
This person feels most loved when his partner spends time with him and gives him his or her undivided attention. He/she likes going out to dinner, going on romantic trips, and simply sitting on the couch together watching a movie.
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This person feels most loved when he/she is offered help, especially if he/she is feeling stressed out, tired, or overworked. This kind of partner loves when the beau runs errands or does chores without her having to ask him or her to do it. Actions speak much louder than words.
This person feels most loved when he/she is given tokens of appreciation from his partner. He likes getting both small and big gifts that mean something special.
Chapman suggests that while every one of us enjoys being showed love in all five love languages, most of us have one or two "primary" languages. This is the way that we like to be shown love the most. It's important to realise that you and your partner may not have the same primary love language. Is this a problem? Not necessarily—but it can and often does lie at the heart of miscommunication and frustration between partners.
We tend to show our love most often in the same way that we like to be shown love by our partner. So, if your primary love language is physical touch, it's most natural for you to show love by kissing and hugging your partner, for example—even if his or her preferred love language is something else, like gifts. This means that your partner may not fully recognise your hugs and kisses as love. This can explain why some exasperated partners can listen in shock while their partners say to them, "I feel like you don't love me anymore.”
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Learning to speak to your partner in his or her preferred love language more often is key to improving the quality of your relationship. We hope that these love languages might be of some help to you!