In a nation that predominantly still believes in arranged marriage, the younger generation is slowly but steadily gaining preference for love marriages. So what can you do when your parents oppose your idea of love marriage and disapprove of the person you wish to marry? Here are some tips.
DO: Communicate with you parents. Talk to your parents; share the views and feelings on both sides. Address the doubts and misgivings that they have. Express why you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. Listen to what they have to say and make them listen to what you have to say – establish a two-way street to work things out.
DON’T: No matter how wide the difference of opinions between you and your parents maybe, do not shut them out and ignore their views. You need to work on bridging the gap between your feelings and their sentiments – this cannot be done if you stop talking and act like you don’t care what they think. You want to start a family, so what better way to do so by having your parents willing to offer their blessings.
DO: Create opportunities to make your family and your significant other meet and get to know each other. Invite your partner to dinner or to family gatherings, get them talking and let your family see who is the one you love and why.
DON’T: Never try to emotionally blackmail your parents. Understand that whatever they do is because they love you. In this difficult situation, don’t try to emotionally blackmail each other and win a point. Instead try to gain support of other family members like siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles, who, if they are on your side (and someone ought to be) will also try convincing your parents. Family therapy with a professional counselor is also a practical solution.
DO: Postpone your wedding plans by a few months or even a few years. It won’t affect your love for your partner and he/she will understand, considering the circumstances. This will give you time for an unpressurized mutual discussion with your parents, and also gives them time to get to know your partner before hopefully giving their consent.
DON’T: Under any circumstances, do not end your relationship with your parents and destroy your family. Not even if you do go ahead and get married without your parents’ consent. Maintain the relationship, and maybe when they see that you are leading a happy married life they will reconcile to the fact that maybe your spouse is the right person for you.
DO: Consider marriage counseling. When parents disapprove of a spouse, it can cause tensions and conflicts in your marriage, including distrust and criticism. Do not let your parents disapproval ruin your marriage and similarly do not let your spouse create a barrier between you and your parents.
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At the end of the day, though it is your life to live, it’s a much richer life when you spend it with your entire family by your side.
