By Sharanya Manola Last Updated:
Even the couples who have withstood the test of stormy days can see their rock-solid relationship crumble, if they don’t work hard to keep the spark from going off. We are not saying that problems cannot be sensed or not be worked through. Often these problems germinate from ‘attitude’ issues which can either push one to an emotional or sexual infidelity or make them emotionally numb to your presence that becomes difficult to mend.
So, what exactly makes your partner astray even if momentarily? Let’s find out!
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It is important to have some ‘ME’ time and connect with other people in your lives. But, unfortunately as much a boon as technology is, most couples feel that it’s no less a bane to their relationship. Most people go astray because their partners are hooked to their social media life and have their phones glued to their hands, and literally inseparable.
What you can do about it: Talk it out with your partner about how you feel left out because of his/her constantly being on the phone. Most importantly, if you can then keep phones away from your bedroom because you don’t want to get pissed off with your partner gazing the phone screen during or between sleep. Unplug and shut down as soon as the two of you are together. Catch up with your folks during breaks at work or when you’re on your way to office or home.
True that we can’t love/like/please everyone your partner knows or is close to. It becomes problematic if your partner or you expect them to be head-over-heels for them all. This can’t happen EVER. All of us share a distinct energy with people we come across, and can’t tailor it to satisfy other person’s whims.
What you can do about it: If you don’t like them, make a constant effort of at least maintaining a friendly relationship with them. This will save you from drowning your relationship with your partner because it is natural for them to keep relationships from going sour.
A relationship often fails because of you, and never is a third person responsible for it. So, if you or your partner have a relatively close friend of the opposite sex or same sex who tries to be extra warm and affectionate despite knowing your current relationship status, it is a warning in red for both of you.
What you can do about it: Both of you will have to keep an eye out for such a person because it doesn’t take too long for a flag of suspicion to bust your relationship. If you have an admirer/good friend who’s still waiting for you or has hots for you and doesn’t mind flirting with you, then it is you who can keep them away from you. If you encourage intimacy of whichever type (emotional or physical), blame yourself for betraying your partner. Understood, we hope?
Every couple has a share of arguments, but this doesn’t mean that you don’t love each other or that you should withdraw and pretend you’ve forgotten and forgiven. It is when you pretend that you put your relationship in danger because you’re deceiving your partner into believing you. You’ll do more wrong if you withdraw and stay mute. You’ll keep your partner in the dark and they’ll never figure out what exactly they did to hurt you.
What you can do about it: Think about it, how long can you hold on to what hurt you? This is not to say that you have to excuse your partner every time. When you’ve calmed yourself down and when you think the time is right (not a month later!), confront him/her. See eye-to-eye and sort out your differences in a constructive way. Chances are that they know and are pretending not to, but isn’t it a good idea to speak and have a conversation like adults?
Of course when you’re in a relationship, both of you will have to adapt because you’re still two different people raised in a certain way and have your own pet peeves and habits. Initially you may want to put your best foot forward and not complain because you want to please your partner, but how long can that continue? Also, you fool yourself into believing that since you’re a team you can’t want two different things. But, for what?
What you can do about it: You don’t have to forget that you’re an individual who has a strong personality that once attracted your partner to you. Are you willing to let go off the real you? If you don’t like a certain habit of theirs or their opinion, you can always express yours without making them feel ridiculous about their belief system. No finger pointing because it signals a ‘why should I change attitude’.
Before you got into the relationship or before getting married, you were a happy-go-lucky person and gave yourself enough time to pursue hobbies and catching up with friends and family, but you can’t anymore? You’re not the only one in this fix.
What you can do about it: Express your need to space out and pursue what makes you happy. Whether it’s a small thing as making plans with friends over the weekend or going on a women or men only vacation. Some time alone to yourself often is reported to keep couples from straying away. You’re bound to lose each other if you stuff your moments with memories that have no one else except the two of you.
If either of you is too dependent on your partner then there are chances that there’ll come a time soon when they’ll start resenting you. They will do so in need for space or may at worse even snap at you for being too dependent on them. It may disappoint them because was this really you who they fell in love with? Someone without a vision and purpose in life except being grossly dependent on him/her?
What you can do about it: Stick to your personal development targets. Go back in time when you were single and focus on what you wanted then. Work towards it and find a way to achieving it. This is not to say that you have to abandon your partner in the pursuit of your own goals, but at least make sure you’re not foregoing your individuality.
As you may have understood, these relationship killers often go unnoticed and you end up resenting your partner if not immediately, then over a period of time. But now that you know what could potentially threaten your cosmos of happiness, make sure you look out for anything that you may be doing to wrong your partner. Also, don’t focus only on the wrongs and instead constructively work towards being happy, together.
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