By Kanika Kothari Last Updated:
Ever wondered the plight of most married Indian men? They receive taunts from their mothers and threats from their wives! The poor fellows become a tennis ball between their two beloveds.
On one hand, a man has his mother, who nurtures him and makes him what he is; and on the other, he has his wife, who is an integral part of his future. His mother is his mentor and his wife is his life partner, his better half. While the wedding jitters of brides are acknowledged universally, nobody gives more than a random thought to the questions troubling a typical Indian groom.
Can he keep the mom-wife equation balanced even after marriage? Can he still be momma’s boy and keep his wife happy? More importantly, does he have a choice or say in these matters?
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Relationships are pretty complex in India. While it is very much accepted in foreign countries for couples to move to a different house after marriage, in India joint families are still in vogue. Although professional commitments are now making young couples to move out of their parents’ homes.
Some couples feel that living in extended joint families or with parents, can make their life tougher. More so because there is some kind of unwritten rule book that says that the mother and wife should always vie for the man’s attention!
The entire hoopla about these issues stems from insecurity. The wife tends to be insecure about her husband listening to his mother, remaining a “momma’s boy” (Read Advantages of marrying a Momma's Boy) and ignoring her. The mother tends to be insecure about her daughter-in-law stealing her darling son away.
The manifestations of these insecurities come in the form of small squabbles that might turn big, forcing the man to take sides, which he obviously cannot. In the middle of it all, the poor man cannot help, but become a helpless rope in the tug of war between his wife and mother.
Some men are lucky, though. Their mother and wife become good friends, and end up making his life smooth and easy. Also, with broader mind-sets and greater global exposure, there has been a paradigm shift in the relationship that even mothers and wives share with each other. After all, kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi! Nevertheless, if you observe closely, there is some kind of cold undercurrent passing between them a lot of times.
Think about this: Are men incapable of accommodating both their mothers and wives in their lives? Is there some kind of social stigma in supporting the wife when she is right? Does this imply an insult to the mother?
Well, dear (married) men, if you are reading this, and fall in the category where you might end up becoming that so-called “rope” between your two lovely ladies, then here are some tips for you:
Try to make sure that you do not shower one of the ladies with more attention or praise, when in company of the other. This is especially so, when it comes to cooking and kitchen matters. Try to be as diplomatic as possible.
a) Include both of them while making any decisions, especially if it is any decision regarding the matters related to the home.
b) Handle both with equal amount of love, passion, care. If you are taking your wife out for a romantic candle dinner, then bring a small gift for your mother, say a beautiful saree or a jewellery set.
c) Spend some time with your mother as well. Every mother feels that her son will forget about her once he gets married, and that is the one insecurity that you need to handle to make your life peaceful.
d) Do not talk to one about the other, when you are alone with either. Also, do not reveal what your mother says about your wife, to your wife. And, vice versa.
e) Do not get angry and irritated at one in front of the other. And, same goes for making fun.
f) Avoid stepping into their petty arguments and issues, as long as they do not get out of hand, or turn aggressive.
Yes, guys, the situation between your two ladies is a delicate thread, and you have to walk on it as carefully as possible, or you might slip in to a "no man's land".
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Dear moms and wives (or wives-to-be), if you are reading this, then you too have to make some efforts to make your man’s (and your) life as easy as possible. After all, you both love this man. So, here are some tips for you as well:
a) Don’t try to drag the man into your petty issues. You two are mature enough to handle certain things amongst yourself.
b) Wives, you need to understand that your husband and his mother share a bond as special as you share with yours. So, you should avoid coming in between a mother and her son. Also, it is okay for your husband to spend some alone time with his mom, and shower her with certain amount of love.
c) Mothers, you have to learn to let go of the umbilical cords occasionally. Your son will never forget you, and you still mean a lot to them, but he now has another person in his life to take care of. Start treating your daughter-in-law like your daughter, and not as someone who will replace you in your son’s life.
Silver Lining in all this fiasco: The guy is the centre of attention of two women who are constantly vying for his attention, what more could he ask for?
Well, we are sure we have given enough tips not just to the guys, but to the two women in question as well. We would be happy to know if you have any more tips on how you handle the two women in your life. So, share your tips by leaving your comments below.
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