Question: I really thought people were joking when they spoke about problems with their mother in laws. But I cannot believe that I find myself in a similar problem today. Two months ahead of my wedding and I cannot stand the sight of my mother in law. She is overbearing and possessive about her son. She is going to live with us after our wedding and I am terrified. What should I do?
Answer: Strong parental connections and traditions have complicated the delicate mother in law and daughter in law relationship over the years leading to a number of MIL problems. Your feelings are understandable but you should remember that it is very hard for your MIL to understand the thoughts of the younger generation and most importantly her feelings of insecurity regarding her son. Maybe you are being too upset about the issue right now but if you do find yourself caught in the midst of situations because of her after your marriage, you should talk to her about it. Bring in your husband into the situation too so he is aware of your feelings. He might be able to offer you relationship advice and suggestions on how to deal with his mother too. Hopefully you will be able to sort out your issues by openly communicating to each other. It helps to develop personal, couple and family goals before you get married so there is no room for conflicts later. The only reason your mother in law might be acting the way she does is because she perceives you to be a threat to the valued bond between her son and herself. Try to convince her that it is not true. If it does not work, you can choose marriage counseling to discuss role expectations and cultivate better relationships with conflict resolution skills.
