Shekhar Suman Gets Teary-Eyed Recalling His First Son, Aayush's Death, 'Jeene Ki Iccha Hi Nahi Thi'

Shekhar Suman recalls his painful memories when he lost his first son, Aayush at the age of 10.


By Srijony Das Last Updated:


Shekhar Suman Gets Teary-Eyed Recalling His First Son, Aayush's Death, 'Jeene Ki Iccha Hi Nahi Thi'

Shekhar Suman is one of the finest actors and filmmakers ever in Indian cinema. He debuted back in the year 1984, and impressed everyone with his quite short film career. Additionally, he has wowed everyone with some of his other talents, including filmmaking, anchoring and singing. Recently, he is all set to enthral audiences with his next big project, Heeramandi, directed by Sanjay Leela Bhansali. In his personal life, he is married to Alka Suman and the couple has a son, Adhyayan, who is also an actor. For the unversed, they also had another son, Aayush, who unfortunately passed away at the age of 10.

Shekhar Suman recalls the painful trauma he faced after his firstborn, Aayush’s death

In a recent interaction with Siddharth Kannan, Shekhar Suman walked down the memory lane and talked about his painful moments back in time, when he lost his first child, Aayush, at a mere age of 10. The actor turned teary-eyed as he grieved about the incomparable loss, which never got recuperated. Expressing how the time felt like death to him, and subsequently he lost his will to live, he said:

“Jab I lost my son, Aayush. Das saal ki umar main maine jab usse kho diya tha toh main zindagi se poori tarah tabah aur barbaad ho gaya tha. Mujhe jeena hi nahi tha. I lost a part of my heart who was dearest to me. Aur main zameen par sar patak ke roya tha. Phir uske baad mujhe jeene ki iccha bhi nahi thi.”

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Shekhar claims he became lifeless after his son’s death, acted only out of sheer necessity for money

Talking about those heartbreaking moments, Shekhar Suman went onto narrate how after such a loss, he absolutely lost interest in chasing success, and even earning money for bare necessity. While he continued to work in his career, but all the smiles and conversations he had were pretentious, since he was shattered from inside. In his words:

“Main bejaan ho gaya tha. Ek dikhaave ki duniya this jahan main hass muskura deta tha ya for economic necessity kyuki mujhe ghar chalana tha. Par mujhe jeene ki iccha nahi thi.”


When Shekhar remarked that losing his first son meant like a betrayal in his life

This hasn’t been the first time that Shekhar Suman candidly spoke about his feelings on losing his son, Aayush. Previously, while speaking with a leading daily, the actor-turned-filmmaker tagged this irreplaceable loss in his and his wife’s life similar to a deep betrayal. He asserted that both him and his wife simply didn’t want to live anymore after that. However, they gradually followed the rays of the sun and started to focus their lives around their surviving son, Adhyayan Suman.

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Shekhar once revealed how his younger son, Adhyayan often had suicidal thoughts

Previously, in one of his interviews with the Mumbai Mirror, Shekhar Suman opened up about the low-phase of his son, Adhyayan's career, that he dealt with for the longest. The doting father remembered how he feared that his son might turn suicidal, and narrated often catching hold of Adhyayan blankly staring at the ceiling fan. Relaying his fears, he had expressed:

“It was difficult for us to get my son out of that bad phase of his life. I used to peek in his room to check that he was okay. It has happened several times that I had opened his door to check on him at 4 or 5 a.m., only to find him staring blankly at the ceiling. I used to ask him to sleep and that we all are there to stand by him.”


What do you think about Shekhar Suman’s revelations?

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