Richard Feynman's Letter For His Wife After Her Death Broke Several Hearts, 'I Find It Hard To..'

Valentine's Day is often associated with love, happiness and a bond we pray that will last forever. However, for some, forever comes as a memory of their partner. Our Nobel Prize-winning physicist was one such man who broke our hearts with a letter he wrote to his deceased wife.

When is it too late to write a love letter? Richard Feynman proved that there is no physical time to love or to stop loving someone. The Nobel Prize winner wrote a letter to his deceased wife almost two years after she passed away. And his words to his beloved Arline will leave your heart shattered.

Who are Richard Feynman and his wife, Arline?

Richard Feynman and Arline met in high school in Far Rockaway, New York. By his junior year, he already knew he wanted to marry Arline. He later described her as his 'idea-woman', someone who inspired and challenged him. Richard was a graduate student at Princeton University, an institution that, at the time, discouraged marriage among serious scholars. However, once he had made up his mind, he got engaged despite the discouragement. Nonetheless, their happy paradise was soon met with a thunderstorm.

Arline's struggle with cancer and Richard Feyman's growing fear

Soon after their engagement, Arline began suffering from unexplained fevers, pain, and swelling. After fears of cancer, doctors diagnosed her in 1941 with lymphatic tuberculosis. According to reports, it was likely contracted from unpasteurized milk. After the unfortunate diagnosis, the doctors gave her not more than two years to live.

Richard Feynman married Arline despite objections from his parents

Richard completed his PhD in 1942 and soon after married Arline in a quiet civil ceremony on Staten Island, despite objections from their parents. Richard's mother even suggested that their marriage should be deemed illegal. No one attended their wedding, given the risk of infection, and Richard couldn't even properly kiss his wife. Immediately after their nuptials, Richard took Arline to Deborah Hospital in New Jersey, visiting her every weekend.

Arline's declining health and long-distance relationship with Richard Feynman

In 1943, J. Robert Oppenheimer invited Richard Feynman to join the secret research team at Los Alamos Laboratory for the Manhattan Project. While his wife, Arline, struggled with her health, Richard felt a strong duty to contribute to physics and accepted the position, believing he could balance his work with taking care of his wife. While he worked long hours, Arline stayed at Presbyterian Sanatorium in Albuquerque, chosen for its dry climate and tuberculosis treatment.

This distance became the beginning of Richard's letter to Arline. He would write to her almost every day using the nickname 'Putzi' and signing the letters with loving reassurances. However, as her condition worsened, the reassurances came with pleas. Richard urged her to 'keep fighting'. While the letters showed both deep love and growing strain, Richard tried to keep things normal by talking about the pressure of life at Los Alamos, often mentioning colleagues such as Hans Bethe and Klaus Fuchs.

After a year apart, Arline was moved closer, but the care available was limited. Unable to fix what was happening, Richard Feynman tried to suppress his grief. Only after her death did he fully confront his loss, writing a final letter sixteen months later.

Richard Feynman's rushed to hold his dying wife's hand

Arline died on June 16, 1945, and a month before the first atomic bomb was detonated in the barren expanse of the New Mexican desert. Richard Feynman received a phone call while at Los Alamos that Arline was dying and, after borrowing the car of a colleague, raced to the sanatorium to be with her. Arline took her final breath at 9:21 PM. Richard recorded the time and date in a small notebook as simply "Death."

Richard Feynman's last letter to Arline

Arline's death came during one of the most intense periods of Richard Feynman's life. He didn't cry after his wife's demise and returned to work on the Manhattan Project almost immediately. He later shared that he had known Arline's demise would eventually lead to this outcome. Richard completely blocked out his emotions at work, so much so that when colleagues asked what happened, he simply said, "She's dead. And how's the program going?"

However, soon the grief surfaced, he was working in Oak Ridge when he passed a store window displaying dresses and suddenly thought Arline would have liked one. The realisation overwhelmed him, and he finally broke down. The sense of loss led him to write the letter, leaving everyone in tears. A part of his letter dated October 17, 1946, read:

"I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead, but I still want to comfort and take care of you, and I want you to love me and care for me. I want to have problems to discuss with you. I want to do little projects with you. I never thought we could do that until just now. What should we do? We started to learn to make clothes together, learn Chinese, or get a movie projector. Can't I do something now? No. I am alone without you, and you were the "idea-woman" and general instigator of all our wild adventures."

In the same letter, he also said that Arline thought she couldn't give him what he wanted. He reassured her that he had it all because he loved her in so many ways, which had become even clearer to him now that she was gone. He shared that even when she cannot give him anything, he still loves her more than he can love anyone else. Richard added, "You, dead, are so much better than anyone else alive." A part of his letter read:

"I'll bet you are surprised that I don't even have a girlfriend (except you, sweetheart) after two years. But you can't help it, darling, nor can I- I don't understand it, for I have met many girls and very nice ones, and I don't want to remain alone, but in two or three meetings they all seem ashes. You are left only to me. You are real. My darling wife, I do adore you. I love my wife. My wife is dead. Rich. PS Please excuse my not mailing this, but I don't know your new address."

What are your thoughts on Richard Feynman's letter to his late wife, Arline?

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