By Neelam Jain Last Updated:
You are on the threshold of a new life and fantasising that ‘I do’ moment is bringing you immense joy and excitement. But no sooner, you go about fulfilling those pre-wedding tasks, and this blissful phase starts showing its downside as well. Difficult demands of friends, nosy aunts, continuous pressure and your family unsupportive of your plans not only make you ill-tempered, but also take you to the boiling point. There are hundreds of disagreements coming along your way and in different quantities and quality. Let us get those all out in the open as to why and with whom a bride-to-be falls into a brawl, and the ideas to overcome them.
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Right from making your match to suggesting you the best bridal studio, these aunties are anywhere and everywhere. They are always there by your mom’s side airing their opinions on the wedding traditions and the rituals to follow. And you are expected to respect and accept the irrelevant popping advices. Your anger eclipses your sanity, and finally you are there with your layers and layers of arguments, protests, logics and reasoning.
Advice- We know it is hard to step back in such circumstances, but try to be more in control of yourself than thinking about those nosy aunts. You can thank them for their generosity politely, and for what all they have done for you in the marriage proceedings. Going round and round with your ideas will not help you prove your point. Firmly remind them that this is your day and the choices leading up to your big day have to be yours alone.
Your sister has always been your big-time special attendant. But, now she has suddenly started feeling left out and complains that you have limited yourself to just jiju. You explain to her that she is not being snubbed off, but your efforts to pacify her go in vain. That is when, you too lose that peace of mind and fall out with her.
Advice- Start looking into this as soon as possible. Maybe you are so much into your new man that you do not discuss anything with her these days. Be sensitive towards her feelings. Explain to her that it is just a phase, and that she would naturally understand it on growing up.
In the run-up to your big day, this is one fracas you just cannot avoid and you pick your battles with her for the minimal over the maximal. You are a new-age bride who wishes for a chic, light-weight lehenga with a skimpy back and bare shoulders. But, you cannot handle it when your mother asks you to go buy the same old red heavy-jewelled outfit. Another issue with her that takes your anger to the next level is her overstuffing the invitation list. You ask her to eliminate the not-in-touch and not-so-close bhaiyas and bhabhis of hers. But she resists.
Advice- Well, mother-daughter together is one sensitive realm. Keep in mind that your moments are equally special to her of which she might have dreamt of even before you were born. So, before being direct to her, discuss the pleasant topics with her. Be cool and explain tp her the hassles she is inviting by calling her 'alien' cousins. Also, do not shock her with your choices. Let her realise for herself what is in trend. Maybe she changes her mindset and show a green signal to the outfit you are looking into. After all, she would want the best for her little girl.
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It is but obvious for you to break into a heavy brawl with an unreliable tailor when that high-end designer fabric you had zeroed in for your lehenga is nowhere close to the right fittings. You are there at her workshop for the trial, but the ill-fitted outfit puts you into the panic state. The number of alterations done by your dressmaker is not making it any better. And that your D-day is just days away, is further worsening the situation. What now? The fabric used is getting damaged with so many re-alterations and any kind of last minute compensation is not helping either.
Advice- You should have booked the right and reliable boutique in the first place. But, now there is hardly any time to ponder over this. The goal now is to have your dress in perfect shape. Calm down and let the designer know your concerns. Show a united front and he/she will surely come up with some solution.
You are just another woman who has this “involve-the-fiance” thing in her mind. Your nuptials will signify the rest of your lives together and you are extremely excited about the day. But, it is getting hard for you to get him excited the way you are. Very soon, you have the feeling that he is just an unwilling corpse you are trying to drag into the arrangements. Until now, you were hoping for something to kick in, but with no suggestions and participation from your better half, you find yourself freaking out.
Advice- Figure out the right way to communicate with your partner. Maybe you are misunderstanding him in some way or the other and vice-versa. Let your loving man know how much his say matters to you. But, do not pounce on him as soon as you meet him. Do give him his space and share that he is someone you can count on for the joys and stresses of marriage-related tasks. The best strategy is to lean on him for support. How long can he escape anyway?
When your elder brother reprimands you saying, “How dare you post your engagement pics or announce your marriage on Facebook?”, you just do not feel like standing his wrath. And every time he crosses you with his questions and instructions, there is a heated debate and the clash of opinions. For you, he is just a snoopy brother who is trying to take charge of your online posts and activities.
Advice- Is this a big deal? Think about it from his side and try to be reasonable when he gets huffy about these things. Your bhai is being practical about the social media insecurities and safety concerns. You can wait for the big day to get over first, before updating your statuses and pictures on social media. And if you are that keen, let your friends know all, but in person.
There will be cases in which your father’s outlook will be exactly different from what you think- and it is infuriating. When you ask him for the DJ instead of the band at the evening reception, it fell on deaf ears. Initially, you were calm as you know he is holding the purse strings and juggling between countless vendors and schedules, but now you feel that is absolutely not fair with the bride. Flowers, invitation quotes and the photographer you are suggesting are something a tad busy dad simply does not seem to care. The issues are escalated and the war of words starts.
Advice- We completely sympathise with you at this stage. Just because he would be footing the bills does not mean you do not have a choice. Before addressing your concerns, test the waters with your over-bearing dad. Secure yourself first by offering nice gestures and sweet talks, and then present your likes and dislikes to him. Tell him how important the occasion is to you, and how your preferences are just worth making your moments exciting. Be prepared for the compromises if he asks for.
You are super-excited about being a fairytale princess and you just cannot resist the temptation of telling everything to your friends. But, when your pals unexpectedly start pulling themselves away, you find it weird. You have a good spat with the disappearing friends. But, they give it back to you by explaining that the only thing you indulge in these days is your wedding talks. And, that they are getting irate seeing you wrapped up in your daydreams.
Advice- Just because you are the centre of attraction, you cannot mistreat your intimate friends. Isn’t losing them too great a risk to take? It is not that they are not involved or they are not enjoying the moments, but you are making a mistake making them feel like assistants. Connect with them the way you used to and not by being an authoritarian. Go out and enjoy, have night and daytime parties. Plan your mehendi, sangeet with them, but do not forget that they have their own sweet moments in regards to your wedding.
In a row of having everything unique for walking down the aisle, your temperament changes completely. You are not liking them having choices similar to yours. You ask your cousins not to plan out the same hairdo and to find out a different store for their attires. You have a feeling that they are inclined towards your collection. You might be sensible saying this, but your overruling words does not go down well with your dearies.
Advice- They are not liking your bossy approach for sure. Better to make them understand that you are not asking them to skip out a certain trend. It is just that two similar looking girls on the stage would not be a good sight, and then there are endless varieties available in the market. They are your childhood companions and your wedding means a lot to them. They would surely not like to spoil the day over such petty issues. But, you need to involve them into your shopping completely, so that they are aware about your preferences.
You just lost your cool when your boss attacked you verbally in front of other colleagues. He not only gave you a poor performance review, but also asks your personal life to be kept out of work. It becomes a self-esteem issue for you when he points out about your long coffee breaks and not meeting the deadlines. You are not the one to suffer in silence and the embarrassment caused leaves you fuming and screaming.
Advice- Yes, we truly understand a soon-to-be-bride’s apparent lack of concentration because of so much that is going on. But no matter what, an unprofessional atmosphere at office would not be accepted. In course of your new relationship, you cannot miss the work targets and deadlines. If required, decide on an authorised leave or half-days rather than being absent without notice and giving improbable excuses. Doing so would not only save your job, but will also help you to get recognised as a committed employee.
Is wedding on the card for you too? If yes, are you keeping peace with your family and friends? Let us know about the most stressful part of your wedding and the conscious efforts you are making to tackle them. Well, whatever reason you are quarreling for, just try to have that ability to laugh things off. It will make the journey to your D-day smoother and more joyous.
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