By Neelam Jain Last Updated:
It is the second time around and you are under the impression that you know more. Yes, we agree that experience counts and one learns from the mistakes, but marrying again is not as easy as it sounds. And if it’s the divorced man you have planned to say ‘I do’ to, it’s again ridden with intricacies and hurdles.
So, before you get back on the horse, let’s help you with some of the very crucial ground work and checks that you must perform. These might increase your chances of marital success with your potential mate.
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Despite all the blame games, pain and disappointments in the past, you wish to start all over again. This could be because of your belief in optimism to live a happy life this time. You can wait and be clear of your emotions first than to fall prey to the same web again. For that, you can prolong the courtship period for your satisfaction.
Be confident about wiping off your past before taking the plunge. A wrong timing may affect more than just you and put your soon-to-start marriage at risk. If you have kids, it would be equally difficult for them to deal with your divorce.
After already having a failed marriage, you must be willing to do better the second time. Many marriage seekers don’t want to wait for the final legal separation. But hold on, you need to show yourself red flag until the final order of divorce for him is given by the court. He may coax you but don’t jump the gun because until the things are on paper, nothing is final.
In the eyes of law, he is a divorcee only if it’s documented. Legal separation lays out certain rules and demands that would help you check the veracity of your would-be. He might be having legal issues with his ex-involving money, property or kids which may take years to resolve. And this could mean an impact on your newly formed relationship.
Looking for your ex’s traits and qualities in your new man is detrimental for a marital union you are looking forward to. Don’t try to go back on the field and test him with the old tricks to which he may fail. Learn to respect the individuality of your current partner for the positive development of your second marriage.
The apprehensions about the bygones will not help your bond flourish. The image of a new person you are conjuring up in your mind shouldn’t be based on your ex.
Usually one forgets to reflect on their own follies which could as well be the cause of their divorce. Before getting remarried, you can assess yourself and your role in the failure of your previous marriage. Second marriage is an emotional reorganisation, so you must come to an understanding of what actually went wrong between you and your ex.
Don’t behave like a narcissistic ignoring your own part for the entire loss. Have a close look at your previous marriage and evaluate your own performance. This would help you resolve the conflicts in future and your second marriage to work out well.
It is a very essential research to be done to unearth the truth. Rarely anybody would reveal the real story behind the divorce and there are strong possibilities of him bad-mouthing his ex. It’s quite obvious that the mate would be blamed. So, the entire idea behind this check is to extract all material information of your would-be spouse so that you take an informed and sensible decision.
You need to know about those 'irreconcilable’ differences the man had with his former wife because there is hardly any guarantee that you will not face the same.
Here you need to understand the psyche of the person whom you are tying the knot with. After marriage, you will take a role in his children’s lives which is quite obvious, but if he is the one who is self-centred and just looking for a governess in the form of a wife, it will not promise a healthy husband-wife relation in future.
Having your own children along with his can be a lot to handle. If a mother is what all he wants; you may later lament for your decision.
If you both have kids, the challenges for you to bond as a couple are greater. The parental needs and desires for the kids too have to be housed in your new relationship. Children don’t realise how and why your prior relationship failed but yet they need to know it. Tell them as much as you know about how their lives will change with their stepfather and stepsiblings, and wait to see their reaction. Introduce them to their new family members to build their comfort factor.
Keep the communication with the little souls honest and clear. Make the kiddies understand that there would be the same warmth, comfort, support and security in the new home. Furthermore, involve them in the discussions and preparations regarding your marriage. Don’t keep them aloof from the transition and the new phase in your life.
Recommended Read: 13 Signs That Show Your Partner Surely Isn't Ready For A Relationship
We just wish that these points might have cleared things in your mind. Stay tuned with us right here for the latest updates related to your favourite celebrities!
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