By Khushboo Motihar Last Updated:
Do you sometimes feel that your partner is too controlling or critical of you? Or, are you getting into a relationship that you are not too sure of? Instead of making you happy, is your relationship actually leaving you depressed?
Well, if you have similar doubts running through your mind, then you need to start looking at various aspects of your partner's behaviour or his or her personality to determine whether this relationship is healthy for you or not! When we spoke to a few people who had or have been facing problems in their relationships, there was something we found common in all of them. They all had the warning signs in front of them, and had been either ignoring or overlooking them for long. We bring you here a few relationship red flags that you must look out for if there is a trouble brewing in your love paradise.
If your partner has temper outbursts at every little thing that goes wrong, then something is indeed wrong. Also, these outbursts need not be directed at you all the time. It could be about other people or even things as well. As Neha Khattani, a software developer, says, “My ex used to lose his temper at the drop of a hat. Everything from my friends messaging me when I was out with him to his favourite team losing a match, everything sparked his temper. Initially I thought that he is either being too possessive or passionate about things, but it slowly turned into bigger things, like swearing and throwing things around.”
Yes, temper at times is okay and justifiable, but if it is happening far too often, then that is a red flag. It can also be a sign that your partner is unhappy, and their unhappiness will definitely start affecting you, too.
Is your partner over possessive about you to the extent of calling you multiple times in a day, not allowing you to meet people of the opposite sex, or extremely jealous of your past relationships?
If you feel that your partner is always holding the steering wheel of the relationship and your life, and if he or she forces you to make changes in your lifestyle as per their whims, then it is time you talk to them about this.
Does your partner keep looking for ways to incite a fight, and keep bringing up past issues every now and then? Or, does your partner constantly demean you in front of other people or crack constant jokes about your looks, your weight or maybe the work that you do? If yes, then this is a red flag in rising!
Rajveer Kanan (name changed), a visual merchandiser with an MNC, confesses, “I had an arranged marriage, six months back. My wife and I hardly got time to meet much before our marriage. After marriage I realised that my wife constantly kept comparing me with her brother-in-law and cousins, whether it was about my looks or my salary.” Finally, Rajveer had to go for marriage counselling to salvage his relationship. So, if you are still in the dating phase, then it is a good time to look out for this sign.
While comparing your partner to any other person can be very hamrful for your relationship, here are: 5 Habits That Might Be Toxic For Your Relationship
An important pillar of a healthy relationship is trust. If your partner is constantly jealous of your acquaintances and keeps calling you to check your location, then it is quite apparent that he or she does not trust you.
What’s more? If your partner's jealousy and lack of trust makes them go snooping in your professional life or social media, then it is a red flag for sure. You should not forget that a relationship cannot survive if there is no trust between the partners.
If your partner dislikes your family or friends excessively, to the point of avoiding them at all costs, then you really need to ask yourself where your relationship is going.
Two of our readers, Roshan Parashar and Vidhi Arora, told us how their respective partners’ stopped them from meeting their friends. They were always criticising some or the other family member of theirs as well. Vidhi further told us that her boyfriend, who never really got along well with her sister and brother-in-law, had told her that she would have to stop talking to them if she wanted to marry him. Well, Vidhi chose her family over such a relationship, and she is very happy with her decision as well. So, make sure that when you get married, your partner accepts your family and friends for who they are.
Lying to your partner about something can also be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. If there is true love, then your partner will never be afraid to admit the truth, no matter what.
“Anuj and I met through a matrimonial website, and we instantly hit it off,” says Pritika Majumdar. She further adds, “Soon our wedding was finalised. But, during our courtship period I realised that he was constantly lying about his whereabouts, making excuses when I asked him to introduce me to his friends, and avoided questions about his professional life. All this got me really worried, and I decided to hire a private detective. What I discovered was very shocking. Anuj was in a live-in relationship with another girl, and he had a closet full of secrets.” Constantly lying, making excuses, and cooking up stories are signs that all is not well in your relationship.
Does your partner blame you for anything and everything that goes wrong in his or her life? If yes, then you need to get out of this relationship before it starts taking a toll on you mentally.
Also, if you constantly have to defend yourself, or you end up blaming yourself for their problems, then think of it as a warning sign. Such negativity is not good, neither for your mental health nor for your relationship.
This one is specifically for women! If your partner does not respect women and believes that 'their place' is in the kitchen, then it is time to think hard about what your status is in this relationship.
Anuja Mishra, a 28-year-old music teacher, is opting for arranged marriage and often meets potential grooms. She says, “Looks, money, salary, etc., everything comes and goes, but if there is no respect in a relationship, then it is definitely not worth getting into. Once I met this NRI guy and discovered that the only reason he was looking for an Indian girl for marriage was so that she could look after him and his parents. I knew this would be a relationship where I would never get any respect, and that would effect my individuality.” So, whether you are in a relationship or plan to get into one, do make sure that your partner is respectful towards you and others around you.
There may be some people in your family who might not instantly fall in love with your significant other. But, if it is a general consensus among your family mambers and friends, then this is definitely a red flag.
Apart from the person you are with, it is your family and friends who know you best. And, if they all feel that you are stepping into a wrong relationship, then you should consider listening to them. It could just be that they are apprehensive about your partner, but if you feel that there is some truth in what your near and dear ones say, then do give your relationship another thought.
This is the most surprising one that a few of our readers did bring to our attention. If you find yourself wondering more than often about being in a wrong relationship, then chances are that you are probably in one.
As Praveen Kukereja says, “Initially, my relationship was perfect. I thought things were going smooth, but I always had this doubt that something was wrong. After a while I realised that I was in a relationship that was one-sided. It was just about giving, but only from my side- be it my time, attention, love, trust or respect. My girlfriend never reciporcated my efforts, and I had just been ignoring this. It was a depressing period of my life.” So, it is important to go with your gut feeling every once in a while.
If you have answered yes to quite a few of these questions that we raised in this article, then your relationship might need some attention. You need to talk to your partner about it and make a decision about your future together.
One of the biggest changes that women get to face after their marriage is, they get a whole new identity after it. Well yes, we are talking about the change of surname that women observe after their marriage. But, not all women might be allured with this idea. After all,Read More