Todays stressed and completely mechanical metro lives can bring divorce to any marriage. Divorce surely has a great psychological impact on life of people. Since the word still remains a taboo in our country, most divorced people experience lot of inertia because of the question – Is being Single after divorce – right or wrong? The proverb “Once bitten, twice shy” comes at play. Still, after some time passes by, there creeps a confusion about whether to hold on to the bitter taste of marriage or get married again. This article will de-mystify all the illusions and get you closer to reality.
The Core Reason
The society today focuses on Individuality. Individuality is not bad, but focusing only on individuality surely has serious repercussions for the relationship in the long run. There is a thin difference in creating A Positive self and being selfish. It is selfishness that destroys relationships and a positive Self that creates great relationships. It takes two to create a positive and working marriage. When either or both are in the flow of selfishness, they react negatively on any issue – small or big. This takes shape of strong bitterness in the relationship and eventually divorce.
Breaking of a marriage is a serious life event. Life is like water and it moves on, it moves on for everybody. Yes, marriage after divorce must be considered very normal and healthy. At the same time a lot facts must be considered before going forward for the re-marriage. Taking a decision in haste is not at all a good idea.
Critical Facts to be checked
Have you dealt well with the trauma of separation?
Most of people don’t have the courage to effectively accept the trauma of separation and rationalize their thoughts. They come in a mode of self blame or blame to the other. In both cases – be it expression of anger or suppression of anger, negativity is bound to surface in the next relationship if not dealt properly.
Have you assessed your weaknesses?
Divorce cannot happen because of one person. Even if there is one sufferer, he/she has also contributed by allowing the other to behave in that way. So even if the contribution is lack of assertiveness, lack of awareness or indifferent behavior, one must identify the weaknesses that resulted to a painful marriage. One needs to work either with the help of a professional or use of good self-help books or any close friend or relative who is unbiased and wise.
Have you taken your learning?
All experiences happen to give us some learning. The suffering ends if we discover the meaning of the experience. Identifying the right meaning will help in creating a better relationship in future
Don’t be in a hurry
Our near and dear ones always want to see the picture complete and that is why they constantly remind us for starting a new marriage at the earliest. Marriage is a lifetime decision, and it does matter. Hurrying up at the second marriage is surely being unwise. This must be observed even if there are kids from the earlier marriage.
Resist to temptations
It is very normal to experience loneliness after the divorce. So this makes the mind pre-occupied in finding some support somewhere. Mostly people unknowingly jump into relationships which can be really a wrong decision. Lot of effort in bring the self back can really help to be away of all such temptations which can become cause of even bigger pain.
Look at your own self – Are you ready
Remarriage is a good idea surely but only when you are ready. Being in haste never ends in success. At the end of the day it is your marriage and your life. Check when you are mentally, emotionally and wisely ready for a re-marriage and not because you found a right match.
Spend time with life
Take your time to know yourself and with your life. Coming out of negative emotions of self-doubt, guilt and suffering is very important before one goes for a re-marriage. After all this also impacts the new partner.
Take your decision when it is needed
Only when you feel that you are completely sure you should take the decision. It also means knowing the new partner if one has found. It is not just filling a position.
Having fear of failure of the remarriage is a very common reason that becomes a deterring factor for almost everybody who undergoes a divorce. Relationship is more of relating to the other. It does happen that sometimes something doesn’t click because we are not aware of a lot of things. But this does not mean that life will offer us the same sequence every time. It does give the same situations only to those who have not taken their lessons well.
Do you have any question to ask Dr. Kamal Khurana, Relationship Expert? If yes then click here