Stories of men being commitment-phobic and running away from relationships are commonplace. Which is why, recently, we even delved into the reasons why men are always looking for doors and windows to escape relationships (Read here: Reasons Behind the Commitment Phobia of Men).
But, are you aware that something that was considered a typical male trait for ages has gone on to become a woman’s thing now? According to recent findings, women today are more hesitant to enter long-term relationships than men. Many women have a completely new approach to relationships now. Even in many recent Bollywood movies, single and successful women have been shown, who are scared to change their relationship status easily. Read on, as we take a look at the varied reasons behind this fear of long-term commitment that is setting roots in women these days.
It can be observed that today’s woman is likely to be more resistant to ‘settling down’ mainly because being a single woman, living all by herself and enjoying every moment is no longer considered a social stigma. Author Elina Furman, says, “Women can play the field, travel the world, and not be judged negatively for their choices. Women today are also much more financially stable and find themselves postponing marriage due to work and other social commitments.” Elina’s book, ‘Kiss and Run’, talks about commitment phobia in women, and she is a self-confessed commitment-phobic. Clearly, marriage is no longer considered the only priority in a woman's life.
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Given the increasing number of divorces and relationships breaking up at the drop of the hat, many women believe that the concept of ‘precaution is better than cure’ holds good even for commitments. They are either unsure of themselves or the person they are with. Being unsure leads many of them to run compatibility tests with a number of individuals, rather than accepting someone immediately.
An agonising breakup or a previous sad relationship can be one of the reasons to drive a person away from commitments, says CTRN (Change That’s Right Now), a website to help individuals overcome phobias. What a disturbed past can do to you is not unknown. This age-old reason of shying away from commitment holds true even for the strong-headed, independent woman of today. Traumatic experiences like witnessing a disturbing divorce of the parents, being a victim of child abuse, or going through a painful heartbreak at a very young age, can make a woman averse to getting into a long-term commitment.
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With the passage of time, not only has a woman’s image undergone a major change, but her priorities have also shifted to a new tangent. These days, every woman does not dream of settling down with a husband to support her. Rather, this is not the sole dream of many women these days. The new-age woman has clearer and well-defined goals in her life. She wants to be successful in her career, lead a fun-filled life, and have a solid financial record.
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According to psychologist, Dr. Janice D. Bennett, the growing search for the “perfect partner” is also a prime reason for people staying single for a long time. Unlike a few decades back, many women today are not ready to compromise on their “Mr. Right” image. Accepting a partner with all his flaws or adjusting and compromising on a few points here and there, seems unthinkable to many women. Turning down many suitors can become a habit for many women!
Sociologist Shiv Vishvanathan sees nothing wrong in confusion about relationships. "It is not really phobia but an attempt to experiment with relationships. Society needs to give flexibility to this idea, which is progressive as long as it is not manipulative," he says.
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Whether what they do is wrong or right, is probably not for anyone else to judge. But the fact remains, that women are getting more and more cautious, just like men, with their relationships these days. Given the current trends, most of them would rather remain single than commit for life to a "mismatch".
